friends to swear at each other. He noticed that he’d been swearing to ;t in and be cool, that he’d been making mean comments, “dissing” his friends. I will never forget his exact words, or the surge of respect and awe I felt for my ;;-year-old son when he said, “;at’s not me. I’m not like that. I like me the way I am.”

;is was music to the ears of a parent who is dedicated to raising thinking, feeling, grounded children. I have no greater wishes for my children than for them to like who they are and to stand for what matters to them. Giving my son the support to experience the fullness of his feelings has something to do with this. Feelings let us know that something is truly, deeply, and essentially important to us. Once they’re expressed, we can feel a more solid connection to what we know to be fundamentally true for ourselves. Our choices about how we might behave, treat others, and conduct our lives then become clearer, making the next step— of taking action—a little easier. My son had found out that he wanted to feel like himself. He’d found out that feeling like himself felt better than being cool. Heading back to school the next day, he stood a few inches taller, knowing that he would be choosing kindness.

Want more on helping kids express di;cult feelings? Log on to www.mothering.com/links and see the Web exclusive “Tears for Billy,” by Michelle Jacobs, and the past article “Getting Out the Angries,” by Christine Benevuto.

Jamie Anderson is a single mother of
two beautiful children, a son (;;) and a
daughter (;;), whom she is raising within
the model of
Gestalt Aware-
ness. She teaches
awareness and
communication
skills to chil-
dren, parents,
and educators.

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