ciples for communication recommended by anthropologist Angeles Arien:

Show up.

Pay attention to what has heart and meaning.

Tell your truth without blame or judgment.

Do not be attached to outcome.

We hone our skills of communication because we need each other so much. We need community. If you’re feeling blue it’s for a good reason. Don’t turn against yourself in tough times. Visualize what it would look like if you felt part of a tribe, part of a community. Describe it to yourself. What is one community you want to know more about? What is one step you could take toward that one community? Break it down into small steps and take just one step.

How do I meet new people? First I imagine what it is that I would like to share. Next I have to make a plan to achieve this connection. Then I need to take the first step, whatever it is. And, finally I have to practice my new learning again and again, by getting together with my new community regularly—and pretty soon I will belong. I also have to be patient with myself when leaving a less supportive community, just allowing myself to start over again without making a big production about it.

We’ve been living in an age in which the individual has appeared to be more important than the collective. Current economic challenges underline just the opposite. But these times are just a reminder of what has always been: We need community regardless of the times. There is nothing wrong with us if we can’t go it alone. We’re not supposed to.

Though we can’t go it alone, we also do not want to give ourselves away. We want to look for communities that o;er us respect and optimism. I love this quote from African-American poet Nikki Giovanni about good boundaries in community.

There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don’t expect you to save the world, I do think it’s not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who o;er you depression, despair and disrespect.