For babies, the most potent

forms of stress

are those that

threaten their social self,

their connections to the mother

or caregivers.

on the brain, and it enhances brain growth

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and development of brain systems that support attachment, emotional regulation, and problem solving. ²³ Babies who experience soothing touch, comforting warmth, repeated experiences of calming when distressed, a sustained positive emotional state, and homeostatic balance when tired, hungry, or overstimulated, grow to develop healthy emotional functioning, brain growth, and self-esteem. ²⁴ On the other hand, we know that babies who experience neglect or abuse in early life are at risk for mental illness, behavioral disturbances, cognitive impairment, and brain damage. Because infancy is

25, 26

dedicated to an explosion in brain growth and neural connection, the first three years are widely considered the most critical period of neurological development. ^27–29

Leaving babies to cry only increases their stress levels, teaches them they cannot rely on their caregivers for assistance, and opens them to the cycle of hyperarousal and dissociation.

THE ROLE OF EMOTION

Much of this early vulnerability and potential
have to do with the way the developing brain
and body learn to understand and manage
stress. When babies are in close proximity
to their mothers and when their needs are
responded to with attuned sensitivity, babies
remain regulated. ³⁰ In other words, their minds
and emotions sustain a state of equilibrium
or calm. Babies are not born with an ability to
independently regulate their physiological or
emotional states, but rely instead on a caregiver
to do this with and for them. We are all familiar
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with the need to place a newborn on the mother’s
chest to assist the baby with maintaining body
temperature. This is due to the baby’s inability
to regulate its own body temperature without
assistance. Other aspects of regulation, such as
heart rate, cortisol levels, and digestion, are also
regulated within the context of this ongoing
relationship with the mother. These “hidden
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regulators” are the physiological mechanisms that keep babies in homeostasis and form the foundation of future self-regulation. ³³

Emotional regulation is the same. Babies need assistance in managing their emotions so that they don’t become overwhelmed. Whether it’s fear, sadness, surprise, or excitement, babies can quickly succumb to emotional intensity, and are especially vulnerable to fear—they possess vast amounts of neural circuitry to analyze fear, but few that assist them in feeling good. Imagine this:

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Your baby is asleep in his crib and you are reading a book. Suddenly, the car next door backfires loudly, startling both of you. You, through your understanding of what the noise was, are able to settle your mind and body immediately. Your baby, however, cannot be calmed by mere words or even time. Usually, maternal intuition kicks in right away—you go to your baby, and cuddle and soothe him until he can settle back down.

Calming down, or being able to be calmed down, after feeling emotionally overwhelmed demands a relationship. Thus it is critical that babies be helped to maintain emotional balance, and to return to a regulated state when out of balance. This need persists into the toddler years and beyond. ³⁵ When dysregulated or out of equilibrium, babies are vulnerable to the deleterious effects of stress. ³⁶

Stress is the emotional and physical impact our bodies experience as we adjust to challenge. For babies, the most potent forms of stress are those that threaten their social self, their connections to the mother or caregivers. ³⁷ The ability to handle stress is formed by our early experiences. ³⁸ Subjection to repeated, frequent, ongoing, or intense stressors leaves a baby prone not only to the negative effects of that experience, but to a trajectory of future vulnerability to stressful events. Typically, crying is the only way an infant has of communicating stress. With adults, the “fight or flight” response mobilizes our bodies to handle difficult or potentially